Walking with Werewolves
by RinkyPink
Summary: In which poor Remus has started sleepwalking, but fortunately has the wise and wonderful ahem Marauders to help him out. Maybe. RLSB slash!
1. Chapter 1

**Truly, the greatest pairing of all HP pairings- a bit of Remus/Sirius! ****This is my way of trying to get into the third chapter of my giftfic for x-Scarlett-x before she kills me… blowing off steam with a bit of my favourite pairing! Hopefully it'll work… :)**

**Disclaimers: One day…. But until then, I'll leave them in the care of the wonderful Mrs Rowling. Kudos to you ma'am!**

**Summary: In which poor Remus has started sleepwalking, but fortunately has the wise and wonderful (ahem) Marauders to help him out. Maybe. RLSB slash!**

Walking with Werewolves

By RinkyPink

To say that the Marauders behaved like nancy boys the first time they discovered Remus sleepwalking would be both unfair (on nancy boys) - and an understatement. It is, however, perfectly safe to say that they all handled it very badly indeed.

Sirius was the first one of the Nancy Tribe to discover their hapless friend. He was lying sprawled on his back in bed, caught between dreaming and wakefulness and lazily adamant that he would not be getting up any time soon. He was also certain that the same applied to the rest of his homeboys (a phrase he had picked up from one of the Muggle-borns and had been using to refer to the Marauders since.) So when he heard the distinct sound of soft footsteps outside his curtain hangings, the first thing he did was poke his head out through said curtains to inspect what was going on.

The teenager blinked a little in sleepy surprise when he saw Remus moving slowly but steadily past his bed towards the door.

Sirius frowned, partly because he was puzzled and partly because his head was hanging upside down off the bed and the blood was rushing down towards his brain. _What in Merlin's name is Remy doing up?_ he thought, gazing at the back of his retreating friend. _It was full moon a couple of nights ago, so he usually sleeps in._

Pushing himself up, Sirius crawled (a little dizzily) off the edge of his bed, determined to intercept the young werewolf and find out what was going on. Of course, knowing Remus, he was possibly going down to the kitchens for some early morning chocolate. _That boy and his bloody chocolate… it's practically a love affair!_

"Remus!" he hissed, standing up. "Oi, Moony!"

The smaller boy continued walking towards the door, not even twitching at the sound of Sirius' voice. (Which was actually quite loud- Sirius' idea of whispering and the rest of the world's differed tremendously.)

Sirius frowned again, and strode forward, putting a hand on Remus' shoulder to gently pull him round. "Hey, Moony-"

The dark-haired boy broke off with a small squeak of shock as he came face to face with his friend. Remus' large amber eyes, usually so lively and alert, were blank and unfocused, staring straight ahead in a distinctly unsettling manner. He was staring straight through Sirius like he wasn't even there. And Sirius didn't handle this very well.

He leapt back from Remus with a muffled curse, staring at his friend wildly, before turning and lunging at the nearest bed. "James! JAMES! Moony's been possessed!"

The unsuspecting inhabitant of the bed let out a strangled shriek, bed-sheets and pillows exploding in a great white flurry as it fought its way out from beneath the cocoon it had created.

"Sirius, you bloody tosspot, what the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Sirius knelt on his friend, gripping his shoulders and staring down at him wildly as he gasped out, "You heard me! Moony's been possessed, our Moony! What the hell are we going to do?!"

"Whazzat?" came the sleepy mumble from across the room as the third and final member of the Nancy Tribe woke up. "Moony's in a dress?"

Sirius shook his head furiously, bouncing up and down in agitation and ignoring the choking sounds coming from James, who was still trapped beneath him. "No Wormtail, you idiot! I said Moony's _possessed!_ He's acting all weird and his eyes don't look right!"

The rest of what he was going to say was abruptly cut off as James flung him bodily off of him and onto the floor, where he landed with a loud thud. The messy-haired boy rubbed his now bruised chest, glaring at his friend as he snarled dangerously, "What in the name of Merlin's underpants are you ranting about, Padfoot? Where the hell _is_ Moony, I can't even see him!"

Sirius, who had been contemplating getting back up and decking James for dropping him on the floor (he had forgotten that James Potter Was Not A Morning Person), blinked and looked around. Sure enough, there was no sign of the werewolf anywhere. It looked like during the scuffle, he had wandered out the door.

The black-haired teen swore loudly and scrambled to his feet. "Damnit, he's gone! Quick, we need to find him!"

James and Peter (who were still a little behind on events but were starting to get the general idea) had long ago decided that in situations like these, it was usually easier just to humour Sirius and get it over with. However, that didn't mean they had to _like_ it.

"I swear, Black, if this is a repeat of the Death Eater episode from last month I am going to feed you to the Giant Squid," growled James as he stalked along after Sirius. Peter was tottering behind both of them, wearing one of his sheets like a cape and still not entirely awake.

Sirius ignored both of them as he hurried out the dorm room and down the stairs towards the common room, eyes flicking this way and that. Suddenly he stopped dead, flinging his arm out and catching James square in his already bruised chest.

"Look, there he is!" He gasped over James' wheezing and cursing.

Sure enough, standing by an armchair and gazing into the fire, was their pyjama-clad friend, seemingly completely unaware of their presence. The Nancy Tribe gathered at the bottom of the stairs, staring at Remus cautiously.

"He doesn't _look_ possessed," observed Peter, breaking the tension-filled silence. "He just looks like… well, Moony."

Sirius shook his head, still eyeing the motionless Remus darkly. "I am _telling_ you two, something's not right with him. Go and see for yourself!"

James snorted loudly. "Sure, Padfoot, he's possessed, and he's going to take over the world wearing tartan pyjamas. My God, Voldemort's got nothing on him!"

Sirius glared at his thoroughly pissy friend (I repeat, James Potter Is _Not_ A Morning Person) and declared, "Fine! _I'll_ go over there, and I'll show you something's up with Moony."

Muttering uncomplimentary things about James under his breath, Sirius moved cautiously forward towards his friend, trying to move quietly. As he approached, he called out softly, "Remy? Remy, are you alright?"

Drawing nearer, Sirius started to feel slight concern for his gentle friend. He was staring into the fire, unblinking, and Sirius could see the dancing flames reflected in his abnormally dull amber eyes.

The older teen reached out and once again placed his hand on Remus' shoulder. Behind him, James and Peter, (who were now becoming a little concerned themselves) had moved closer and were now standing closely behind him, watching the proceedings.

As Sirius opened his mouth to try talking to Remus again, James interrupted with, "Have you tried shaking him to see if he'll react?" And before anyone could answer, the tousled headed boy reached out to do just that.

This certainly produced a reaction. Remus jerked like he'd just received an electric shock, the life suddenly flooding back into his eyes and a piercing cry ripping itself from his throat.

And like I said before, the Marauders handled this new event in the proceedings very badly indeed.

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"Potter, your levels of stupidity never cease to amaze me. Just when I think you can't possibly be any more empty-headed, you go and pull a bone-head move like this and prove me wrong. Well done, Potter, well done indeed!"

It should be noted here that Lily Evans isn't particularly a morning person either. Of course, this might have been intensified by the manner in which she was actually woken. Being forcibly wrenched from your slumber by three simultaneous screams echoing up from the floor below you does have a tendency to leave one in somewhat of a foul mood.

James attempted to rise up from the sofa to protest at Lily, who was pacing furiously in front of the sofa where she currently had all four marauders cornered, but another piercing glare from the pink dressing-gown clad redhead had him shrinking back into his seat with his retort still on his lips.

A weary voice from the opposite side of the sofa spoke up instead. "Lily, it's alright. They weren't to know that it was sleepwalking, were they? Just leave it be."

Lily whirled round furiously, but her eyes softened and she stopped before launching into another rant. James and Peter (the latter wearing his blanket over his head and round the rest of his body in a slightly disturbing imitation of the Virgin Mary) both peered round as well.

Remus was sitting on the far end of the sofa, leaning back against the headrest. There was a look of utter exhaustion on his too-pale face, and his amber eyes were miserable as he looked up at Lily pleadingly. The young werewolf hated shouting and scenes of confrontation at the best of times, and being violently awoken from a bout of sleepwalking really wasn't one of his better moments.

Actually, the whole half-hour hadn't been one of his "better moments". After scaring the Nancy Boys' into the middle of next week with his abrupt transition into the world of the waking, he had suddenly lost the use of his legs from the unpleasant shock and had nearly fallen into the fire. Fortunately Sirius had recovered marginally quicker than his fellow brothers (James had been hyperventilating and Peter had fainted) and managed to grab his friend and save him from becoming Werewolf Flambé. He had ended up sitting on the ground, shaking and disorientated, before being gently cradled in the young Black's arms whilst he apologised anxiously over and over again in his ear.

This tranquil, touching scene was rudely interrupted by the whirlwind arrival of one livid Lily Evans, who came storming down the stairs like each one had done her a grievous wrong, hissing like an angry cat as she came.

"…and what _do_ you think you're doing, you've woken the _entire_ girls dormitory up, it's _seven_ o'clock in the morning and everyone deserves a _rest,_ and for _goodness_ sake Potter pretending not to breathe like that is _not_ amusing, and _why_ is Peter unconscious on the floor wearing a shroud and _what the hell is going on_?!"

A small, detached part of Remus' mind made the idle observation that Lily's ability to talk for a good minute without pausing for breath once was very impressive. The rest of him just wept inwardly at the sign of yet another confusing element to add to his already bewildering situation.

This was how he ended huddled up on the sofa with the rest of the Marauders, leaning tiredly against Sirius (who still had a comforting arm around him) whilst James alternated between trying to explain the events of the morning to a fuming Evans and gazing at her worshipfully. Peter just sat on the sofa between the two jet-haired teenagers, wreathed in his blanket and already half-asleep again.

Lily (who had remained blessedly silent for a moment) frowned and opened her mouth to speak, but Sirius got there first.

"Well, Lily-flower, thanks for that charming speech, but if you don't mind we'd like to get our Moony back upstairs again, alright? Sorry to have woken you up and all, but you know, shit happens, etcetera etcetera…"

Remus, who had finally gotten his body to stop trembling slightly, missed Lily's outraged response as he was absent-mindedly concentrating on the way Sirius' chest rumbled pleasantly when he spoke. This lazy thought made him blink and sit upright abruptly. Merlin, he was more traumatised than he'd thought…

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Somehow the Nancy Tribe and their previously-possessed friend managed to escape from the common room intact, making for the dormitory with the air of men rushing to salvation. This was there they now sat, and this was where they were now faced with a much more demanding task than dealing with an irate Lily- begging Remus for forgiveness.

"I swear, Moony, I had no idea that you were sleepwalking! I didn't know you weren't supposed to wake sleepwalkers up either! I really am sorry…"

James ran his hands through his black mop of hair, succeeding only in making it even more of a mess then it previously was as he looked to his friend pleadingly. Remus, who was by now back in his own bed and resting gratefully against his pillows, sighed and shook his head at James before he had even finished his babbling.

"It's alright Prongs; I'm not surprised you didn't know. Anyway, I suppose its better that you lot found me, rather than somebody else. Some poor first-year might have seen me and thought I was possessed or something!"

The werewolf chuckled at his own words, missing the looks Peter and James both gave Sirius. The grey-eyed teen loftily ignored both of them as he slipped off of his own bed and clambered onto Remus' instead, turning his back on his Kin of Nancy. Ah, the bonds of brotherhood…

"So, why exactly were you sleepwalking anyway, Moony? Was it something you ate, do you reckon?" piped up Peter curiously, leaning forward over James' sprawled form. Remus frowned worriedly, twisting the bed-sheets in his hands absently as he answered the chubby boy.

"No, sleepwalking doesn't work like that Peter. If someone begins to sleepwalk, it's generally due to unrest in the mind, like if they're worried about something or they're stressed. Obviously, this makes it quite hard to control. But I don't think I've ever sleep-walked before… so why is it happening now?"

"Maybe you're getting antsy about the N.E. coming up," suggested James, hitting Peter with a pillow to stop him from moving about on the bed.

Remus shot James a disapproving look for his blatant mis-usage of bedding before answering, "Prongs, the N.E. aren't until next _year_, and in any case I didn't sleepwalk last year when we had O., did I? It must be something else."

"You must be worried about something else then," mused Sirius, frowning contemplatively. His grey eyes widened suddenly and he swung around on his friend, sending the pillow he was leaning on flying across the room. "Moony! We're your friends! How could you not tell us that something was bothering you?!"

Remus, alarmed, held his hands up in front of him in a placating gesture. "Nothing's bothering me, Siri! I mean, unless you count me worrying about my transformations every month… but I have you three now, so I don't even worry about them as much as I used to. I really can't think of anything else important enough to make this start happening- and if I can't figure out what's causing it, then how am I supposed to stop it?"

The blatant misery on his friend's face broke through Sirius' slight indignation, and he hastily shuffled over to Remus' side, putting both arms around him to hug him comfortingly.

"Don't worry Remy; we'll work out whatever it is that's got you wandering round in your pyjamas and help you sleep again, 'kay?"

Remus leaned into Sirius' chest gratefully. He didn't know how he did it, but Sirius had the gift of making him feel better when nothing and no-one else could, and in this particular instance he was extremely appreciative. He inhaled the scent of his friend quietly; a sort of spicy, smoky smell, coupled with the distinct aroma of clean puppy. There really was no-one else in the world with that special Sirius-y smell, and for a glorious moment Remus felt completely relaxed and comforted.

Of course, with the Nancy Tribe around, such a feeling could never last for very long.

"Yeah!" Peter cheered loudly, oblivious to the howl of pain coming from James, whose ear was unfortunately in very close proximity to the blonde boy's mouth. "We'll help you Moony! It probably won't be too har- oof!"

James nodded enthusiastically at his friend as he smothered Peter in revenge. "That's right Moony; have no fear, the Marauders are here!"

Sirius whooped in agreement, punching a triumphant fist in the air. "Ha! Sleepwalking won't stand a chance against us!"

Remus whimpered softly as he hid his face in his hands, a gesture that went unnoticed by his now wildly-singing homeboys . "Oh, Merlin save me…"

Nancy Boys vs. Sleepwalking- the battle had begun.

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**Eheheh… I am well aware that I have to get out the next chapter of your story, Hannah- please don't hurt me! To everyone else, I hope you enjoyed this first chapter, and if you did then please leave a review on the way out. Come on, you **_**know **_**you want to… it's just such a pretty button! Because I swear to God, if one more person puts me on an alert without leaving a review… THEN THERE WILL BE NO SLASH FOR YOU!**

**Phew, sorry about that… and see you all next time!**

**RinkyPink**


	2. Chapter 2

**Right, I have apologies to make! Eh, I wanted to get this up earlier, but… I am the laziest procrastinator this side of England (coughapart from Hannahcough.) So, here we go, the next chapter, and apologies for lateness- and thanks for all the amazing reviews I've had! I love you all!**

**Usual disclaimers, blah blah blah, I wish, etc.**

Walking with Werewolves

Chapter 2

"Come, my honourable homeboys! We journey forth, onwards unto the Land of Books! That dreadful and accursed land known to all those who encounter it as- _the library_!"

Remus sighed, watching wearily as James leapt onto Sirius from behind in a desperate attempt to make him stop his dramatic monologue. In the tussle that followed ("Get _off_ me Potter, you complete pillock!") Remus reflected sadly on the events that had led them to this point in the first place- and wondered if there was anywhere he could have done something to stop the madness.

Given that he was dealing with The Nancy Boys, he decided that was probably just wishful thinking.

After the three Nancies had finished their impromptu bout of revelry in the dormitory (a rousing chorus of 'We are the Marauders', stopped only by Lily and several other Gryffindor girls slamming the door back with murder in their eyes and wands in their hands) they had begun to get down to business. This can be translated to 'spending an hour in the bathroom fighting over the showers and mirrors, at least another hour trying to find suitable clothes to get dressed in, and finally one more hour in the Great Hall attempting to eat everything in sight.'

Of course, all of this progress was further hampered by Sirius transforming at random intervals and bounding around, licking people and just generally making a nuisance of himself. He had finally stopped after trying to sneak in on Remus in the shower, and getting soundly thrashed with the showerhead by the enraged young werewolf, who (as he later calmly explained to a soaked and thoroughly abashed Sirius) Did Not Appreciate His Privacy Being Compromised. This was a speech that was delivered at least once a week, and by now he usually had James and Peter idly mouthing the words along with him behind his back.

But to return to the matter at hand, the Marauders were now washed, dressed and full to the point of bursting with what was most of the contents of Hogwarts' kitchen- and on their way to the Library to try and find out some information about sleepwalking to help Remus.

As far as Remus was concerned, this could not end well.

He was torn from his doom-laden thoughts by a yell of triumph from Sirius, who had finally managed to get James off his back by slamming himself against the wall several times. As a result, the jet-haired boy was now hobbling and cursing furiously, leaning on Peter for support and shooting venomous glares at the jaunty Black heir, who had a casual arm slung round Remus' shoulder and was looking very smug with himself.

"So, tell me Remy," began Sirius, as they rounded the corner of the corridor and began descending the stairs, "what exactly are we hoping to find in this thrice-accursed devil house?"

"Assuming that by that charming title you actually mean the _library,_" Remus said dryly, "We are hoping to find some information about sleepwalking- like what causes it- and thus hopefully some way of preventing said phenomenon. I imagine that at least some wizards have experienced it before, so perhaps they discovered a method of controlling it." The young werewolf rubbed a hand across his eyes tiredly. "At least, I hope so anyway."

Sirius tightened his arm around the smaller teen comfortingly, drawing him closer to his body. "It's alright Moony. We're going to help you, okay?"

The unexpectedly gentle tone had Remus looking up at his friend with a surprised and grateful smile. Perhaps there was a remote chance that this entire sodding expedition wouldn't be the disaster he was gloomily anticipating after all.

"C'mon Pete, I'll race you to the library! First one to hit the other one with a book wins!"

However, there were a few, rare and far-between occasions that our dear Remus had in fact been mistaken. He had a feeling that this was one of those times.

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"'…perhaps the moste grievous and atrocious of all knowne Magikal maladies is the Affliction moste commonly known as Somnambulisme, a madness of the mind and unreste in the Spirit. The moste successful of all the remedies is to take the dewdrop of a Rose in the season of Midmay and to drip it thus onto the Eyelids of the afflicted person in question…' Moony, is this book even in English?!"

Remus couldn't help but grin at the wild-eyed expression James levelled his way, as the bespectacled boy brandished a furious hand at the offending tome lying innocently on the table. Peter and Sirius both ignored their friend, buried in their own research as James continued to rant, in a furious whisper-shout- something all four of the Marauders, even Sirius, had managed to perfect over the years, through sheer necessity. (The art of marauding is much better conducted with a certain air of discreteness, as proved by numerous detentions accumulated over the years.)

"I mean, _look_ at this thing! It doesn't even make _sense_! There is no such freaking thing as 'Midmay', and how in the name of Merlin's _balls_ does dripping a freaking _dewdrop _achieve anything?!"

Remus, contrary to what one might have expected, was remarkably unaffected by James brief bout of hysteria. To be perfectly honest, he was actually impressed by how long the messy-haired boy had held out- he had expected him to break long before this. And as for Sirius- well, Remus was still slightly stunned that he had entered the library at all. Sirius hadn't set foot in the library since third-year, when he thought it would be amusing to stand in the middle of the library and shout "_Accio book!_", and had been hospitalised for three days as a direct result. Madam Pince hadn't forgotten about this incident either, if the way she was hovering near the bookshelves with a suspicious expression on her face was anything to judge by.

So, bearing this in mind, Remus just smiled comfortingly at his friend and patted his hand gently. "It's alright, Prongs- take nice, deep breaths, okay? That book is pretty old, so all methods will be quite outdated. To be honest," and here Remus sighed and closed his own book, "I'm not sure we're going to find anything useful in here. Peter, Sirius, have you found anything?"

Sirius shut his book with a snap and tossed it carelessly onto the table with a loud groan. "Not one blessed thing! Moony, I thought you said that books are useful!"

Peter nodded in agreement as he heaved his own book shut. "This is useless too. I'm starting to think that you're the only wizard in history who's ever suffered from sleepwalking, Moony."

Remus let out a small whimper and dropped his head into his hands, thus missing James smacking Peter furiously round the head with a copy of "The Weird and Wonderful Side of Magic". Sirius ignored the howl of pain that resulted and reached across the table to smooth Remus' hair down soothingly.

"Don't listen to that berk, Remy, of course you're not the only one! It just looks like you are, because the others who had it were too sensible to write a load of crap about it."

Remus lifted his head slightly to smile tremulously at his friend (and trying to ignore just how nice Sirius' hand in his hair felt.) "You think so?"

"Ha! I'm a Black!" declared Sirius, tossing his head proudly. "We're never wrong!"

There was a funny choking sound from James, and Sirius flung a quill at him without bothering to look round.

"Right!" The young animagus stood up and brandished his wand at his three homeboys, who were seated round a table in the corner of the library. "I, Sirius Orion Black, am calling an emergency meeting of the Sleepwalking Werewolves Prevention Society! All those present, raise your hand!"

"Aye- aye Captain!" chanted James and Peter, snapping their hands up into salutes and hitting themselves in the head. Remus just stared at Sirius incredulously. "_The Sleepwalking Werewolves Prevention Society_?"

Sirius pretended not to hear the furious whisper and banged his wand down on the desk with a business-like air. "Very well, I declare this court in session! Today's agenda: the sleepwalking of one Messr Remus John Lupin, Chief Werewolf Extraordinaire and Chairman of the Marauders."

"Objection!" shouted James, waving his hand in the air and nearly taking Peter's eye out. "I want to be Chairman!"

"Well, you can't be, because Moony is." Sirius nodded decisively. "Instead, you are President of the Marauders, Wormtail is Prime Minister and I am Overlord. Agreed?"

The newly elected President and Prime Minister banged their wands enthusiastically against the table and the Overlord held his own wand aloft in triumph. "Motion carried! Right, back to the list. We are tasked with not only finding out why our beloved furry friend is streaking in the night, but also how to stop him. Let the discussion commence!"

(It should be pointed out that by this point, Remus had returned to reading and was effectively ignoring the progress of the Society. This was actually easier than it sounded, as he had had plenty of practise in the past; the spontaneous formation of the We Hate Snivellus Club in first year had more or less taken care of that, as had the Down With Homework Group and the Salamanders Are People Too So Shut Up Evans Organization- don't ask- of third year. Remus had found that it was simply safer in the long run to ignore the three lunatics and let them run amok until they ran out of steam and/or hiding places. So until then he would simply continue reading and pretend that he didn't, in fact, have any idea who the three of them were, but keep an ear out for any 'trigger terms', such as 'Right! You go and get the paint then!' or 'There is absolutely no way this can go wrong' or, his personal favourite, 'Okay, but don't tell Moon- shit, is he listening?')

Meanwhile, back at the impromptu meeting, discussion was well under way, and so far Peter had been belted twice and James had had his chair yanked out from underneath him a grand total of three times. Nothing like democracy, eh?

"Hey, I think I've got it!" James announced triumphantly as he picked himself up for the fourth time and dragged his chair back to the table. "Ok, so we don't know _why_ Moony's sleepwalking, but we should be able to figure out a way of stopping him, right?"

"This sounds promising, President Potter. What did you have in mind?" asked the Overlord, who was balancing his chair on its back legs and swinging dangerously back and forth whilst attempting to balance his wand on his nose.

"Well, we just need to make sure that Moony stays in bed and doesn't go wandering off, don't we? So why don't we give him a sleeping potion or something? He'll be too doped up to do anything but snore!" James said proudly, running his hand through his hair.

Sirius let his chair drop back onto all four legs with a dull _thud_ as he leant forward, eyes gleaming. "Brilliant, Prongs! All we need to do is to try and keep Moony either asleep or in bed- or both!"

"We could hypnotise him!" suggested James, leaning forward as well.

"Or just try and keep him awake as long as possible- he'll be too knackered to walk around!" was Peter's humble offering, which was received with delighted exclamations from his co-nancies.

(By now Remus' ears had pricked up; it had been the 'Brilliant, Prongs!' that had alerted him this time, and he was now listening to the conversation with a mounting sense of horror.)

"Tie him to the bed!"

"Sleeping potion!"

"Er, get the house-elves to guard him!"

"Handcuff him!"

"Set a trap just outside of his bed!"

"Enchant his bedclothes to stop him from moving!"

"Restrain him bodily!"

"Padfoot, why exactly do all of _your _suggestions involve bondage?"

Sirius was saved from answering James by Remus' sudden re-entrance into the conversation. "I'm sorry, _what_ are you planning on doing to me?!"

Sirius turned to Remus with what he clearly thought was a jaunty, winning smile. "Remy! Don't worry, everything is under control- and we know have plenty of material to go on. Your sleep-frolicking will be over in no time!"

Remus was almost afraid to ask, but he felt he had to. "Sleep-_frolicking_, Siri?"

The handsome teen grinned. "Saying sleepwalking over and over again was getting boring. Anyway, that doesn't matter because we have a plan that is going to _work_!"

As Sirius said 'work', he slammed his hand down onto the table, knocking his wand, which spun a complete 180 on the surface on the desk before expelling a stream of flames and setting the nearest bookshelf on fire.

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It was later agreed that no-one had ever seen the Marauders move so fast before in all their lives. It was also agreed, on a completely separate note, that it was probably this incident which finally sent Madam Pince over the edge, as decided per the utter screaming rampage she went on whilst extinguishing the burning books.

Either way, it wasn't talked about very much- at least, not in the library at any rate.

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"Prongs, I'm sure I've already mentioned that this is possibly the stupidest idea in the history of stupid ideas, haven't I?"

"Yes, Moony, you've actually mentioned it about seventeen times now."

"Ah, good. Well then, I'm curious as to why it hasn't seemed to have sunk in yet."

James heaved an exaggerated sigh, leaning back on the bed. "Look, Moons, just give it a go, alright? I know what I'm doing!"

"You know, I fear that the book entitled 'Hypnotism for Beginners' begs to differ," Remus answered, eyeing the book in his friend's hand warily.

James coughed loudly and opened the offending object with a flourish. "Suck it up Moony, this is going to help you! Right, Padfoot?"

"No comment," the dark-haired boy replied, grinning, from where he was sprawled out on James' bed and watching the proceedings with great interest. "Although, it does mean we have some new entertainment tonight; to be honest, the house-elf marching band plan just wasn't working out."

"Only because we couldn't get a hold of enough kazoos," Peter pointed out reasonably, sitting comfortably beside Sirius and swathed from head to toe in his blankets.

Sirius and James both nodded in agreement, but Remus had no intention of allowing them to get side-tracked this time. "Sorry, can I just return us all to the matter at hand? How can you honestly think that using a galleon tied to a piece of string is going to accomplish anything?"

James sighed in a very patronising manner that made Remus want to maim him (but only a little bit, don't worry.) "Moony, _relax_, okay? Hypnotism works, you know! I remember my dad saying something about this guy he worked with getting hypnotised to stop him from eating carrots, or something like that. All I'm going to do is, er… 'lull you into a peaceful state in which the mind will be more open and susceptible to suggestions, thus reaching the root of your problems.' Alright?"

Remus' heated glare told him that no, it _wasn't_ alright, and the lanky teen tried to hide behind his open instruction manual, feeling that it hadn't been as helpful as he'd thought.

A soft whimper from the neighbouring bed had Remus turning round before he could stop himself, and the young werewolf found himself caught by the pair of pleading puppy eyes that greeted him. A large black dog now sat in Sirius' place on James' bed, watching Remus with pitiful eyes and whining gently. (This was a _dirty_ trick, and one that none of the Marauders could stand up against- something Sirius was well aware of, and used to his greatest advantage.)

To no-one's surprise, Remus folded, and without any good grace whatsoever. "Alright, fine! But when I'm a gibbering deranged wreck in St Mungo's I'm taking you all down with me!"

(All three of the Marauders were dying to make a comment here, but hell, even _they_ weren't that suicidal.)

James cleared his throat importantly, settling down cross-legged in front of his afflicted friend on said afflicted friend's bed and holding up his homemade medallion. (This was, yes, a galleon pinched from Sirius- who was now back in his human form and looking unbelievably smug- and stuck to Peter's old shoelace with some of Drooble's Best Bubble Gum- the Nancy Tribe are nothing if not inventive.)

"Now, Moony, watch the golden medallion carefully," James intoned in a deep and mysterious voice, slowly swinging said medallion back and forth in front of the tawny-haired boy's face. Remus, looking long-suffering, complied.

"Mooony… you are feeling sleeeepy… a feeling of soft acceptance is sweeping through your bo-ooody…"

Remus' face didn't change- his expression of long-suffering appeared to be permanently etched onto his face- but Sirius and Peter were both regarding James with the air of disbelief that they usually saved for when he was spouting declarations of love for one Lily Evans.

"Listen closely to the beating of your heart, Moony… try and think only of peaceful, calming thoughts… in fact, listen to that small peaceful voice inside of you… listen to your inner Buddha, Moony…"

It is probably safer to not describe the expressions on the faces of the freshly-formed 'We Worry About James' Sanity Organization' at this moment.

"Listen to your Buddha, Moony…breathe in and out, deep, slow breaths… that's right, just relax…"

Against all odds, James' voice had become surprisingly soothing and hypnotic, and Remus was beginning to visibly relax, his eyes heavy-lidded and shoulders comfortably slumped. Sirius and Peter, despite their own misgivings, were leaning forward and watching the scene before them avidly.

"Just let all of your fears wash away, Moony… all of your problems… all of your worries… just listen to your inner Buddha… can you hear what he's saying? He's opening his mouth… he's about to speak… he's sayin- HOLY FLYING MOTHER OF FUCK!"

Heart attacks, as the three teenagers were now discovering firsthand, were really not all they were cracked up to be.

"Holy crap!" James had leapt off his bed and was pacing round the room, running his hands feverishly through his hair and completely oblivious to his three hyperventilating friends. "I completely forgot about Quidditch practise tonight! Jackson is going to kill m- aaack, Siriusgetoffame!"

Sirius paid no attention to his friend's shrieks for mercy and proceeded to systematically beat the crap out of him, snarling furiously all the while. "Potter-(_thud_) you- total- dick- (_thump) _you scared- the –crap –out – of – us- (_smack)_ I – think- you've- killed- Moony- (_wachung_) and- Wormtail!"

At first glance, this statement appeared to be perfectly correct; Remus was leaning forward with one hand on his chest, attempting to re-start his heart, and Peter was flat on his back on the floor, face an unflattering shade of yellow and unmoving.

James, squawking and shrieking, tried ineffectively to squirm free, gabbling apologies to his ex-friends as he went. Finally, Remus raised his head and spoke in a voice that was slightly more high-pitched than usual.

"Siri, let the miserable excuse for a human being up now, I think he's had enough."

Sirius smacked James' head off the floor once more before heaving himself up and going to put a gentle arm around the young werewolf, peering worriedly into his eyes. "Are you okay, Remy? That prat didn't hurt you or anything, did he?"

Remus smiled at his concerned friend, feeling a happy little bloom of warmth in his chest at the arrival of Sirius' protective side. "It's okay, Siri, I'm fine. Just… a bit tired, now, I suppose."

Sirius nodded and hugged him closer, resting his cheek on Remus' soft, tawny hair for a moment before glaring down at the crumpled heap on the floor that was James Potter.

"Oi! Potter! Get your arse up off the floor, it's time for bed! You too, Wormtail," he added as an afterthought, glancing at their motionless friend.

There was a mutter from James' form that sounded an awful like "Screw you, you son of a bitch" but the Overlord of the Marauders graciously chose to ignore such profanity.

Of course, he was cheerfully and tunelessly singing a verse of "Gold" at the time, so he could be that he didn't actually hear James in the first place.

Remus was more inclined to believe the latter.

00000

It is an unwritten law that no matter how many times you go to the bathroom before going to bed, you will inevitably wake up in the middle of the night feeling as though your bladder is about to burst its' way out of your body. Sirius Black was no exception to this rule, and so it was with many mumbled, incoherent curses that the teenager hauled himself out of bed and shuffled towards the bathroom.

As he was leaving the bathroom, feeling pleasantly lighter, he chanced a glance towards Remus' bed, which lay directly beside his and was illuminated by a puddle of moonlight falling through the half-curtained window across the room.

Said bed was surprisingly empty, considering it should have been full of sleeping werewolf.

"Aw, crap," muttered Sirius, suddenly feeling much more awake, and without further ado he sprinted across to James' bed and threw himself in it.

*

"I t'ink 'e's in 'ere."

"Oh, you _think_? Well, that makes me feel much better, thanks Padfoot!"

Apparently, James Potter isn't much of a middle of the night person either; or at least, that's what the large bruise now adorning Sirius' jawbone said. (He also didn't like people leaping on him when he was sleeping, particularly when that person was the one who had beaten several different kinds of crap out of him the day before.)

Sirius managed to stick his tongue out at his friend, despite the throbbing pain in his face, and grumpily started leading the way down the staircase into the common room. "Look, just keep a watch out for Moony will you Prongs? Seeing as your grand idea didn't work, we are now minus a werewolf!"

Whatever James was going to reply was forgotten when the two boys both spotted Remus at the same time. He was standing, same as the night before, in front of the fire and staring unseeingly into it.

This was step one of the problem completed; they had found their culprit. The remaining problem they were now facing was-

"How the hell are we going to get him back upstairs?" whispered James. He and Sirius were by now standing warily beside their friend, watching him carefully for any signs of banshee-like behaviour. Sirius shrugged helplessly.

"I dunno…at least we know not to wake him up though. Er, what if we just…"

As he spoke, the Nancy Tribe leader was reaching tentatively out to timidly touch the smaller boy's back. The Nancies held their breaths- but with a complete disregard for any kind of dramatic tension, absolutely bugger-all happened.

James exhaled noisily and nodded decisively. "Right, okay, no problem. What now?"

'What now' turned out to be alternating between gently pushing and coaxing the sleeping Remus back towards the boys' dormitories, with Sirius doing all the manoeuvring and grunt-work, and James 'directing'.

"Right, come one Padfoot- _no_, watch it, watch it- yeah, okay, gently does it…watch out, there's a step here" ("I _know_ there's a pissing step there, Prongs, we're on a bloody staircase") "good, come on Moony, shhh-shhh, stay asleep, for the love of God don't wake up…"

(It was a great relief for all concerned when James, who was walking backwards in order to see how Remus and Sirius were doing, walked straight into a wall and spent the rest of the journey hissing curses of pain under his breath.)

Finally, the Nancies and their charge made it back to the dormitory, where Peter was still happily conked out and snoring away. Sirius wiped a hand across his brow, breathing heavily.

"Thank god that's over! Alright Remy, time for beddy-boes now, into bed…"

To his surprise, the teen didn't resist, but with the help of Sirius' guiding hand slipped into his own bed with no problem, laying his head on his pillow and finally closing his unusually dull amber eyes.

Sirius and James both stood by his bed, staring at the now-peaceful werewolf, before both sighing heavily.

Nancy Boys: 0, Sleepwalking: 1

It was going to be a long week.

00000

***Dies* Oh my God I am KNACKERED! I have never written such a long chapter in my life! Haha well, I hope you all enjoyed it- I think this chapter was a bit more crackish then the last, but I was having such a good time writing it I couldn't help myself. Right then, you all know the drill! If you liked it, or if it made you giggle **_**even a little bit- **_**then please leave a review! I had such fantastic reviews for the last chapter, it really made me happy! So, if anyone adds me on an alert without reviewing- THEN I WILL PAIR PETER WITH THE GIANT SQUID, AND DON'T THINK I'M KIDDING!**

**Hahaha! Love you all, see you next chapter!**

**RinkyPink over and out**


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